i dont know if there's smth between them.
they may seemed alright and do small little things for each other.
i dont care.
im just going to keep quiet.
monday, 23 jan..
she cheered her up.
as a friend, well.. alrights.
there are so many things i want to say.
it seemed like she dont know im alive.
im here attached to char.
maybe they are close.
so close..
probably, im just thinking too much.
i thought i could be okay today.
but everytime i reach home, everything start coming back.
the pain. love. joy. fear. anger.
i shall say no more abt her.
im not being over-protective or what but i think any girl would feel the same.
maybe i should start having a bung or guy as my "good friend".
maybe only char can make her feel good.
perhaps..
love can be the most beautiful thing that has ever happen to you and yet it can be the most harrowing thing ever.. -fara
so fall in love or not?
why must it be her?
odd her out among the rest.
god, just take my live away and let it go wherever it can take me.
when i woke up this morning, i told myself that i dont want to see that dehydrated face again.
the air that i breathe out were the air of fear, frustrations and anger.. i was too weak to do anything abt my feelings. last night i took 9 pills. this time i could feel my liver in pain. aaron said that if i consume too much pills, it can hurt my liver. scared. then i tot of resorting to cutting myself. but it was too scary.. i might cut the wrg thing cos i was too blur and weak last night.
first, i asked for it.
then i took back my words.
then she wants it.
but she was confused.
that was what happened last night. i wanted to get some beer and panadols. jeremy was quite worried for me. this morning when i ran to the toilet to puke, jeremy quickly call jean to check if im alright. i know jeremy wont be reading but thanks for ur concern. after recess, guess what i saw written on my table? "please don't be sad. everything will be alright." really sweet of him. he wants to see me smile more cos my bday is coming. talking abt bday.. oh man.. i really dont want to celebrate it. it just reminds me of joleen. i still dont understand why must it be just the two of them without a grp. probably cos char is always there for her when she's down esp when that guy do smth.
trying to smile. but if i smile, im faking it.
more and more ppl beginning to realise abt my depression face. that pale looking girl is no longer the lively one. i want to smile. my bday is coming and i want to be happy. they are really close and i have to accept it. i have to accept it.
anyone who sees me today smiled at me. sweet. but just too bad i cant smile back. the air that im breathing is choking me. im sorry if i looked to arrogant today!
helps. i have 3 tests tmr. i had a surprise test today. social studies. thanked god i could handle it. that means i have... arnd 7 tests this week. next monday, physics tests. ive got lots of things to do but im just too tired to do anything abt it.
as i was lening against the window, i looked out. i know i have a bright future. if i want to make full use of it. i cant stand the look on my face. that sad,depression look.
god says forgive and forget. i will.
ps: guys.. mich and mark, i know u guys want to celebrate my birthday but really, its okay ya. it will only make me feel worse. it will just remind me of her. i dont think i will be free. have lotsa tests coming up. cheers.
in favour of jeremy, i'll try to smile cos my bday is coming..
im not looking forward for tomorrow cos its just another day..
they may seemed alright and do small little things for each other.
i dont care.
im just going to keep quiet.
monday, 23 jan..
she cheered her up.
as a friend, well.. alrights.
there are so many things i want to say.
it seemed like she dont know im alive.
im here attached to char.
maybe they are close.
so close..
probably, im just thinking too much.
i thought i could be okay today.
but everytime i reach home, everything start coming back.
the pain. love. joy. fear. anger.
i shall say no more abt her.
im not being over-protective or what but i think any girl would feel the same.
maybe i should start having a bung or guy as my "good friend".
maybe only char can make her feel good.
perhaps..
love can be the most beautiful thing that has ever happen to you and yet it can be the most harrowing thing ever.. -fara
so fall in love or not?
why must it be her?
odd her out among the rest.
god, just take my live away and let it go wherever it can take me.
when i woke up this morning, i told myself that i dont want to see that dehydrated face again.
the air that i breathe out were the air of fear, frustrations and anger.. i was too weak to do anything abt my feelings. last night i took 9 pills. this time i could feel my liver in pain. aaron said that if i consume too much pills, it can hurt my liver. scared. then i tot of resorting to cutting myself. but it was too scary.. i might cut the wrg thing cos i was too blur and weak last night.
first, i asked for it.
then i took back my words.
then she wants it.
but she was confused.
that was what happened last night. i wanted to get some beer and panadols. jeremy was quite worried for me. this morning when i ran to the toilet to puke, jeremy quickly call jean to check if im alright. i know jeremy wont be reading but thanks for ur concern. after recess, guess what i saw written on my table? "please don't be sad. everything will be alright." really sweet of him. he wants to see me smile more cos my bday is coming. talking abt bday.. oh man.. i really dont want to celebrate it. it just reminds me of joleen. i still dont understand why must it be just the two of them without a grp. probably cos char is always there for her when she's down esp when that guy do smth.
trying to smile. but if i smile, im faking it.
more and more ppl beginning to realise abt my depression face. that pale looking girl is no longer the lively one. i want to smile. my bday is coming and i want to be happy. they are really close and i have to accept it. i have to accept it.
anyone who sees me today smiled at me. sweet. but just too bad i cant smile back. the air that im breathing is choking me. im sorry if i looked to arrogant today!
helps. i have 3 tests tmr. i had a surprise test today. social studies. thanked god i could handle it. that means i have... arnd 7 tests this week. next monday, physics tests. ive got lots of things to do but im just too tired to do anything abt it.
as i was lening against the window, i looked out. i know i have a bright future. if i want to make full use of it. i cant stand the look on my face. that sad,depression look.
god says forgive and forget. i will.
ps: guys.. mich and mark, i know u guys want to celebrate my birthday but really, its okay ya. it will only make me feel worse. it will just remind me of her. i dont think i will be free. have lotsa tests coming up. cheers.
in favour of jeremy, i'll try to smile cos my bday is coming..
im not looking forward for tomorrow cos its just another day..
